I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!

Even as I'm starting this blog, I literally have 10 minutes to get out the door to work.  This past week has been a very busy one and this current one is proving to be the same!  Lately I've felt as though I've been rushing to do everything!  It's not because I'm procrastinating either, there is just a ton going on all of a sudden.  I guess it's both a blessing and a curse but definitely more a blessing.  

Funny thing is, when I rush, I expect that everyone around me will understand and somehow fall in line to do the same.  Of course this never happens and only leads to my biggest problem, impatience. I am soooooo impatient!  And I've tried.  I swear.  I try to be patient and wait for things to pass but I end up losing the battle.  And although I would love to say that I pray and ask God for patience, I definitely do not!  Why?  Because I know exactly what will happen.  He will send me into a ton of situations that will force me to be patient and instead of learning the lessons I've asked him to give me I will only get more and more frustrated.  Yes, I am a five year old in this instant!  

Maybe one day I will learn patience, who knows.  Until then I guess I will just have to realize that forcing things to happen before they're supposed to will never work.  I mean, everything goes by God's timeline anyway, not mine.  

That being said, I'm rushing out again, to a casting workshop...  But don't worry, I'm not late to this one!  Thanks for reading and sorry this one came out late ;)
Until next week...
Kimberly 

No, impassable, nothing's impossible!

Naturally another favorite of mine except that this might be the one quote that drives me!  Because it's true, you can totally do anything you set your mind and attitude to as long as you're willing to work for it.  Nothing comes to those that don't work for it.  God helps those who help themselves, right?  Right!

This week has been a very interesting week to say the least.  I've dealt with a lot of doubt, redirection and rejection but honestly, I only feel more secure that I'm going to succeed.  Those of you who have been keeping up with me know that I'm producing a film and I've spent this week talking to my campaigning mentor and making sure that I get fully trained before I start in on the pre-production funding.  Honestly, it's going to be a lot of work and a lot of phone calls but I gotta say, I'm nothing but full of excitement over it.  And the great thing is, most people I've already talked to about it are excited and confident in knowing that it will come to fruition.  

It's kind of like getting ready to climb Everest for the first time.  You know it's going to take you a while and there's a lot of preparation that goes into it but the idea of conquering such a feat is so exciting.  I mean, I'm not exactly in danger of falling off a cliff or getting lost...or maybe I am!

Any who, I just gotta say that I love my new found confidence in the things I am able to accomplish.  And of course I thank God for putting these dreams in me as well as the strength and the drive to make them happen.  I have a wonderful foundation of people around me that are so supportive and it's amazing.

I guess today's post is just that simple.  Thank you to all of you who have and continue to support me.  You are all amazing and I love you so much!  Don't let anyone discourage you from doing what you were born to do.  God gave you the dreams you have and he gave you the ability to make them happen.  So stop waiting and go do it!

"Well where are you going?"

This is one of my favorite quotes from Alice, mostly because it reminds me that goals are important.  There's a reason people say Los Angeles is full of Lost Angels. People come here to follow their dreams but once they get here, they don't know where to go to make them come true.  I'll admit it isn't easy but I was blessed with really great friends when I moved out here and it has helped a lot!

The sad thing is, Los Angeles is a city where it's easy to coast through life.  I mean, the weather is pretty great 90% of the year, the beach is only at most an hour away, not to mention Disneyland is just right down the 5.  So what if I never make it or ever book a movie role, right?  I live in Los Angeles!  Wrong.

We survive here, we don't live.  It was interesting yesterday in church the speaker (I say speaker because the preacher was in New York for an engagement) said to us, we are here to save a city.  I had honestly never thought of this as my path but it really struck a chord with me.  I mean honestly, why would anyone in their right mind move to LA?  The rent is outrageous, as well as the gas prices.  The cost of living is 2-3 times anywhere else plus the smog and, oh yeah, the EARTHQUAKES!  Why would any intelligent person move here unless it was for a purpose?  Interesting.

Another thing happened that hit hard.  I usually try to write this blog on Sunday night or Monday morning and today I woke up late.  Yeah, I know.  But at work today, I was told that Robin Williams died.  And not just died, but committed suicide.  As an actor that is serious about my craft and my colleagues, this paralyzed me.  Why?  I didn't know him personally so why was I so affected?  Because this is so common out here.  People work so hard to achieve wealth and success but this city can make you feel so alone and so lost.  And for those that don't achieve the success, you're still lost but in paradise.  There is such a need out here for people, REAL people that feel and connect and love; people to really help the lost.  I don't know why he took his life but I know, it's heart breaking and it happens more than it should here.

Now on that note, anyone that knows me can tell you that I love a lot.  I can't tell you how many people that I have opened my heart to and let in just for them to feel safe.  Most of the time they have turned on me, pushed me away or even rejected me yet I continue to do it.  I guess you could say that I really need to get the hint and learn the lesson but for me, I would much rather suffer than to know someone is going through life without feeling loved.  I guess that's the one thing from the bible that I don't have to focus on is loving others.  I got that covered, even if it's not always reciprocated.

I don't know, I think I strayed a little from my original topic.  It's easy to lose focus on your goals when you live in paradise but it's also easy to get lost.  I'm so sorry that we lost such a great actor today but I hope that others will find the paths they're meant to take.  I remember the saying that is painted on the wall in my parents' house "live well, love much, laugh often." I don't know where the quote originally came from but I can say I plan to.  I just might love a little more than I should :)

Who Are You?

I've honestly not been asked this question as many times as you'd think but when it's asked, it's usually not in a positive way.  Think about it, the difference between "what's your name" and "who are you" is pretty big.  The latter is almost a request to validate your presence and prove your importance in a given situation.  And this brings me to my next topic about Los Angeles.

I actually had a teacher say once that the streets and the sidewalks of LA actually whispered these words to people.  And in a way it's true.  You really do wonder day in and day out what your purpose is in this city and if you're even supposed to be here.  So many people in this city are so much more important than me; who am I to be here?  Life here is definitely not unbearable but it's also not easy.

The funny thing is, I've come to notice this question a lot less in my life. But for some reason, it jumped in yesterday in a big way and I think it was answered best with the words of Matthew West.  Let me set up the situation for you...The past couple of weeks I have been working with a friend to produce a feature film. Yes, I mean a big one, like the ones you see in the movie theaters.  Me!  I am doing this!  But it's hard.  Like really hard.  You have to talk to a lot of people and you have to find money from people and it's just HARD.  You have to do a lot of proving to others who you are and validating why you are doing this.

So a lot of negativity has been creeping in and I've been wondering if I even should be doing this.  I've looked it over and prayed about it and it seems to stand in my mind and my heart that this is actually the path I'm supposed to take.  It hit me yesterday when the question came to mind, who am I to do something like this?  I noticed immediately that this was not one of my thoughts.  Call it what you want but I know what it's like to be attacked when your faith is renewed and strengthened.  That's what was happening.  And I answered that question.  I am a "child of the one true king."  And last time I checked "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Now am I saying that Jesus is telling me to take this particular script and that it is God's will that I make this film, no.  But what I am saying is that for once, I have a true understanding that God is my foundation.  He gives me the strength to do things that would seem impossible.  He knows my heart and has given me my dreams.  I know that I can do this and I know who I am.  And it's pretty freaking exciting!

We're All Mad Here

With the end of this year's Comic Convention in San Diego, I can't help but hear this quote over and over in my head.  "We're all mad here." And according to the rest of the world, we are!  

Before I moved to Los Angeles, the idea of wearing a costume was strictly reserved for being on set or for Halloween.  Themed parties would come once in a while but nothing that was ever a big deal.  I swear to you, now I have something to wear a costume to monthly if not weekly...and it's AWESOME!  

And on top of that, people out here are so creative!  I love that most people don't just buy costumes out of the shops or online, they make them.  And they look amazing.  That's one of the things that is so exciting about ComiCon!  You not only expect the costumes are going to look amazing but if you choose to dress up too, you better be on point!   

Unfortunately I was unable to go to ComiCon this year but I have an awesome X-23 ready for next year!  I should probably start making my Avengers one now...

Most of my costume dressing comes from my birthday parties.  I play Princess Merida (yes complete with accent), Queen Elsa and of course, my beloved Alice for Princess Parties.  And yeah, the little girls I go to visit have a lot of money and are way more blessed than me, but it's so amazing seeing their eyes light up when they realize that the Queen of Arendelle flew all the way to say hi for their special day.  

But again, this is nothing out of the ordinary!  It's like, you know that kid that you leave alone with 3 crayons and she (or he) turns out this amazing, 50 colored drawing of the Northern Lights?  This city is full of them!  Creativity thrives out here.  It's not just a hobby though, it's a lifestyle.

When I get bored, I create.  Even if it's just coloring in a coloring book, I have to make something.  And that's what filmmakers do.  A lot of you have seen the parody I made with my friends of Game of Thrones...that's what we do.  We pick up a camera, vigorously write out a script that makes sense and tells a feasible story and we shoot it...for the world to see.  And it's so thrilling!  Yeah, you get feedback from some people that think it looks stupid or they could have done it better, but they watched it.  They don't know me and they still watched it!!

So I guess that's my point this time...we are all mad here.  And that's ok.  Because we are all dying to show you our crazy so that you can watch it and say, wow, that person is creepy, or she's funny or what is wrong with that guy!  We don't want to be normal.  Normal is weird here...

 

Following the White Rabbit

It becomes apparent in everyone’s life that they have to make a decision what they want to do or be when they grow up.  Honestly, for me it wasn’t an easy decision and to this day, I didn’t choose my profession.  It chose me. 

I still remember the first weekend I spent in Los Angeles.  My parents drove with me and spent the few days we had unpacking and doing the best we could to make my apartment in Koreatown as cozy as possible.  Those few days flew by and before I knew it, we were heading to the airport.  They were flying back to Texas and I was flying to Las Vegas to see a friend for her birthday.  Back home, all of the airport terminals were connected so it was no big deal to rush my parents in to their terminal so I could get to mine, check in and meet them on the other side for lunch before saying goodbye.  Except that I wouldn’t get to. 

I had never been so far away from my parents as I was about to be in all my life and the reality of it crushed me.  Believe me when I say that I sat on the floor of the airport with my head in my hands, tears streaming around me.  I truly was in that moment, Alice crying at the door. 

I guess you would be justified in calling me dramatic.  Guilty.  But I can’t change who I am.  And when I say I’m dramatic, I don’t mean I’m a drama queen and I create drama.  I mean that I feel with emotions so strong and deep, that it takes my breath away when others would carry on.  I remember once when I was younger trying to explain to my Dad what it was like being able to cry on cue.  I’m not really sure to this day if I truly could explain it other than I can feel deeply and do feel deeply about everything. 

So when I say acting chose me, it’s like there was no logical alternative for me.  And I love it.  The more and more I follow the white rabbit of a success in LA, the more excited and curious I become about this never ending wonderland that unfolds around me!  The possibilities to create and collaborate are endless and constantly emerging.  All you have to do is want it and work for it.

But the problem comes when everyone in the “real world” looks into this wonderland.  What they see is very different from those of us that followed the white rabbit.  We see a chance to reach people on a bigger scale, to make things that touch people in a way that nothing else can, to leave an impression on people that will last a lifetime!  What everyone else sees is a land of waste and fairytales.  They don’t see performers and artists doing everything they can to make their businesses successful, they see people wasting their lives, bumming and hoping someone else will like them and make them famous.

  I guess I don’t really know where I wanted to go with all this other than to really define myself.  I love what I do and I’m working hard to make sure I get to do it more often.  So, with that being said, I have to go.  I’m still looking for the white rabbit…