"Either it brings tears to their eyes or else..."

"Or else what?" said Alice for the Knight had made a sudden pause.
"Or else it doesn't, you know."

Just a warning, I'm going to get super actory in this entry!  I could go a lot of different routes with this quote but I'm going to write today about my acting class yesterday.

So, as an actress I get misunderstood a lot.  Not so much misunderstood in the literal sense of what I say but misunderstood in how I operate.  I am an extremely emotional being.  My emotions remain at a peaked level so that I can easily access them.  I've actually always been this way but I've learned to harness my emotions and keep them just under the surface so that they are there when I need them.  The problem, well it's not a problem for me, for others is that I am an open book.  And for the first time yesterday in class, we discussed how important it is to be this open.

I'm not saying that every actor or actress has to tell everything about themselves or communicate as much as I do, but for me it helps to have nothing weighing on my thoughts.  So the scene we did yesterday was from a new film and it was heavily emotional.  In four pages I went from anger to extreme sadness to happy then back to sad.  It was glorious!  Seriously, I live for these kinds of scenes because they are a workout.  My emotions are like muscles for me and I need to exercise them regularly.  Where I falter is breaking out of the emotions as quickly as I can get in them.  Sometimes casting will ask you to do something over again and if I have to jump out of sad to anger cleanly, well let's just say yesterday I couldn't.

It's interesting to see how other actors operate because one of the girls was worried about going to such an emotional place without hurting her psyche.  I wondered how I would explain to someone how I get there without affecting myself but I honestly don't know.  I guess it's just one of those things that comes so naturally to me.  Maybe I just stopped fighting my emotions so long ago that now they are free flowing all the time.  HA!  I'm like the Hulk only with tears.  My secret is, I'm always crying.  Not really but oh, that just made me so happy.

I guess my point is that everyone responds to emotions differently and there is no right or wrong way.  Either it brings tears to your eyes, or else it doesn't.  That's just how you handle them.  But the great thing about working with other actors is that you can see someone handle a situation with tears and it's beautiful and you can see someone handle the very same situation without tears but still with the same level of emotion and it's is just as interesting.  There really is no correct way when it comes to acting and all of these discoveries yesterday just filled me with a new freedom.

So now I have a new assignment.  I have to find my trigger out or my off switch if you will.  Something that can easily pull me out of my emotional state because ultimately, I am still acting.  I also get to now study emotions without tears.  YEAH!  I want to understand being just as emotional without tears flowing because how powerful could that be?!  Such is the life of an actress :)

Thanks for reading!
Love ya!
Kimberly

The best gift you could have given her was a lifetime of adventures...

So today is my birthday!  I'm so full of love and joy right now and not just because of all of the messages I've been getting from everyone but because I am living a truly blessed life.  I'm so grateful for everyone that has supported me and is helping me move forward to make my dreams come true.  You all are truly giving me the best gift ever in reminding me everyday that I can do anything.  There are so many adventures still to come but I'm so happy for the ones I've already had!  So many lessons have been learned and experiences that I never would have imagined I'd have 15 years ago!  

It's so funny because when I was growing up and all through high school, I never would have imagined that I'd be where I am now.  But the one nice thing about being born in May is that makes me a Taurus.  And no, I don't believe that my future is controlled by the stars but I will say that I fit the Taurus breakdown perfectly!  I am persistent, loving, passionate...oh so passionate!  If you tell me I can't do something, congratulations you have just set out a challenge for me to prove you wrong...and I will.  I actually look for challenges because I love to prove people wrong when it comes to their perception of me.  I'm persistent, I don't back down.  :)

But I have also grown to love adventures.  As a Taurus, I hate change.  I like having a plan and making plans.  Even my best friends will tell you that I plan out everything and if something in my plan has to change, I am upset until I can devise a new plan to allow for the change.  But I'm growing to allow for changes and somewhat learning to embrace them.  Because without changes and adventures, I can't grow.  I can't be the force I was born to be.  

One of my favorite quotes is from John Newton:

"I am not what I ought to be.  I am not what I want to be.  I am not what I hope to be.  But still, I am not what I used to be.  And by the grace of God, I am what I am."

I love it because it reminds me to shake off the past and keep working towards the future I was meant to have.  

So thank you for giving me the opportunity to have such an amazing life!  I'm so thankful for all of your continued love and support!  I can't wait to create amazing works for you and I hope you'll be proud of them.  

Here's to so many more brilliant adventures!

Cheers,

Kimberly 

"...she looked back once or twice, half hoping that they would call after her."

I love this part of the story where Alice leaves the Mad Tea Party.  Actually I love most of the Mad Tea Party because it's such a great example of how people misunderstand each other because of different ways of thinking.  As Alice gets frustrated and stomps out of the party, she looks back.  She looks back because she wants them to call her back to the party.  She wants to be missed before she is even gone.  

It's funny how much this quote touches me because I've had to leave many things and people in the past but I've tended to look back hoping that I am missed.  Even when the situation or the person is unhealthy for me and I know I'm better off, I'm still Alice looking back hoping that I am too important to let go.

That being said, I have left that life behind me.  I think it comes from being an entertainer that you always need to feel wanted or needed.  But it's also a sign of immaturity.  It took me a long time to be at peace with me and to let go of the people and the places that are not good fits.  As they say, more appropriately with people, you have to move on from someone without expecting it to change their mind, otherwise you're not moving on.  You're pretending to move on but looking back the entire time, making yourself worse off than before.  That's a hard pill to swallow.

The Mad Tea Party has always been one of my favorite parts of Alice in Wonderland because it reminds me to be more open minded.  How fun and crazy are the Hatter and the Hare?  But because they are so different, Alice gets frustrated and leaves.  But I think a part of her knows that although they are fun, they are not helping her get where she needs to be.  Woah, I just had an epiphany as I typed that!  How hard is it to really leave people that we love and adore when they are holding us back from where we are going?  Maybe not even intentionally but with them we stay in a stagnant place with a false happiness.  I for one want to take everyone with me on my journey through Wonderland but I know I can't.  Sometimes it's so hard to decipher who belongs and who you have to leave behind.  When you're such a loving person, it's hard to justify removing someone from your life.  You have so much love to give to everyone whether they want it or not.  But ultimately, if they don't return it, you're draining yourself to make someone else happy.  

Anywhoooooo, I think I'll end on that note because this could get deeper than I'm willing to go right now in a blog :p  But I'll leave today by saying, it's acceptable to leave the places that are keeping you from where you need to be.  But leave knowing that you will be better off, not because you hope that you will leave an impression and change where you have been.  Never look back because you'll miss what's ahead of you.

Love you,
Kimberly