Tuesday, October 7, 2014

I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.


I think the way we view our past is a little backwards.  We’re definitely supposed to learn from our past but too many people hold on to it as an example to follow to understand the future.  The funny thing is, how many times do situations or plans ever go exactly like they have in the past?  Almost never.  Our past teaches us lessons and makes us smarter but how can we really expect that things will always turn out the same.

For me, I think the past has always held me back.  I’m definitely one of those people that expect things to turn out the same.  I have a tendency to resist change.  Sometimes I still see myself as the chubby, lazy girl that never quite fit in.  But no one else sees or ever saw me that way.  And thinking this way has such a profound effect on my self-esteem that it’s detrimental to future successes.  I have never run a marathon and right now I’m training for a half.  This weekend I had to do an 8 mile run which was scary because I have never actually run that far.  But I did it!  I actually got through it but all the time leading up to it I thought this is going to be so hard!  I’ll never get through it!  But I did!  So why do I think that way?  Why does my brain, instead of looking at the successes I’ve made, and knowing that I can push myself to achieve more, choose to hold on to the negativity of my past?  Why do any of us do this for that matter?

So by saying I can’t go back to yesterday, I am telling the truth.  I can not physically go back to yesterday.  And I don’t want to because yesterday I had surgery on my tooth but for once, I didn’t pass out!  I’m getting better!  Everything is different about me today than it was yesterday so my new goal is to look forward and never backward.  I challenge you to do the same thing.  Learn from your mistakes but keep them in the back of your mind.  You learned those lessons so know that you know them and move on.  Look towards the future and know that you can make it different from your past.

It’s funny that I have been a Christian my entire life and I’m just now starting to really understand the importance of God in my life.  Before it was always like, I had this great power protecting me and watching over me as I walk through the challenges of my life.  But it’s not like that at all.  It’s more like I have a partner going through them with me, a best friend that is by my side the entire time.  As I said earlier I had surgery yesterday and it never fails that if I am dealing with intense pain, I pass out.  And it sucks.  I have passed out so many times in my life and it takes me soooooo long to recover so I was determined to figure out how to avoid it this time!  The Xanax helped some but I decided the entire surgery to stay in prayer.  And I did.  I had such a long conversation with God thanking him for being with me and thanking him for making me the strong person that I have grown to be.  It was incredible.  Not once did my mind go to that place of fear and panic.  And with God there with me, I figured out how to shake my past!

Ok, I think I’ve gone on long enough here.  So I’ll end with saying strive for more than your past.  Expect different outcomes each day.  Expect miracles!  I know I am because God is with me.  Don’t forget I have a movie funding campaign coming up in two weeks and I for one am not looking to my past and expecting to fail.  I know we’ll succeed and I can’t wait to be able to not only make and star in my own film but to really show everyone that if you put your mind to anything, you will succeed!  Don’t forget your past but really, forget your past!

Love,                                                                                                                                                        Kimberly


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